I am Not a Number and Neither are You

I am Not a Number and Neither are You

My Slow and Steady Learning Process of Not Comparing Myself in the Competitive College Environment

After I finished my first semester of being in the business college at my university, I was completely overwhelmed by just about everything. Being in such a stressful and competitive environment was a new and testing experience. All of a sudden, everyone around me was an over-achiever, a top notch student. For the first time of my life I didn't get high GPA, and that to me was shocking. All around me were students who somehow managed to get almost perfect GPAs and already had impressive jobs and internships lined up. I couldn't stop comparing myself, and I felt like I was falling way behind my peers. To sum it up, I finished my first semester feeling like I had fallen completely short of my potential and was basically a ball of disappointment and discouragement. 

One night when I was feeling especially overwhelmed, I wrote the following segment in my journal.

*DISCLAIMER: in the process of expressing myself in this journal entry that I thought would remain private, I used a few descriptive words that I have changed to keep this post audience appropriate.

I'm overwhelmed. The reality of adulthood is slapping me hard across the face, leaving a heavy, encompassing sting of sadness. I feel like I can't do anything. I made a LinkedIn profile and I think that's what is bringing on this emotional onslaught. I don't know why but I feel so d*** incompetent. There are a million of other people exactly like me, and millions more who are way better than me. People who have way more motivation. I feel like I have none... I'm slow-cooking in this burning, destructive mediocrity. There's this recipe for so-called happiness, and its constituents are 1) don't compare, and 2) don't compete. But realistically, how are either of those things possible? Adding onto this, everyone blindly recites that GPA is not a measure of self-worth, but let's cut the BS here. Maybe, in the argument of subjectivity, GPA isn't a measure of an intrinsic sense of worth, depending on each person individually. But when it comes to study abroad programs, internships, JOBS, GRAD SCHOOL, all integral components in professional development and advancement, GPA matters so, so much. And there are so many people out there who have way better GPAs and resumes... and a more inflated likelihood of "professional success." It all feels so overwhelming because I feel like I'm standing completely still in the midst of a stampede of young 18 and 19 year olds in the rush to grow up and become successful lil' cogs in the corporate machine. It almost seems like a rat race, and arguably with no point, because most of us will end up in a cubicle job anyway. I'm so unmotivated for that... that's it. I'm not excited for the future. S***. The reality of that confession is like a reverberating, dark echo... it's scary. I'm scared. I'm so d*** scared. I'm in a paralysis. I don't want to grow up. I feel like I'm not gonna make up, and if I do, I'm not gonna be happy."

I wish I could go back and tell myself six months ago, on the night I wrote this, that I should take a breather. That it would be okay. That the GPA I saw was totally acceptable and that a stupid number wasn't the end-all-be-all for my potential as a future businesswoman. Or whatever I end up deciding to be.

That summing up my entire existence, my entire college experience, which is, by the way, chock-full of personal development and growth, and reducing it down to a GPA, is not only irrational, but downright ridiculous. It completely waives the fact that I came into college as a nervous, scared girl who dreaded the idea of college altogether and finished the year someone more confident than ever, and left with more self-belief, with more strength, with more aspirations. I met people who have changed my life forever and have offered me perspectives that have provided me with a new lens in which to view the world and myself, and that is priceless. I've been blessed with meeting people that reminded me that yes, I can survive that class, and yes, I am capable if I put my mind to it. People who helped me make it when I thought I might actually implode under the immense stress of my assignments and responsibilities. This year I broke out of mental barriers that I had entrapped myself in previously. 

And I am 100% confident that no GPA, no number, could ever describe these valuable changes in my life.

No GPA will ever shine light to the passions and interests I have, the things that make me get up in the morning, the things that put a skip in my step and incite in me an insatiable curiosity about the future and the possibilities that it holds. A number doesn't have the capacity to describe my quirks and my strengths and my weaknesses. The things that make me the person I am. A GPA will never add or take away from who I am as a person, or who anyone is as a person. And in our true selves and our true passions lie our potential, in my opinion. Not a GPA.

A GPA can't touch a heart or save a life. A GPA never fostered a meaningful friendship or relationship. A GPA never changed the world, or ultimately cultivated life's higher sentiments.

It's a number, simply a one-dimensional way to gauge academic performance. That is literally it. A number that is so often pegged as the ultimate decider of a person's capabilities and self-confidence. I know this because I have been there one too many times, especially the night I wrote that journal entry. On that night, I irrationally stared at what I thought was a bleak future all because I didn't have a 4.0. I let a number override the most distinguishing factors and traits and passions in my life and cloud my outlook of the future. 

It's taken a while and I am no where near the end point of this journey, but slowly I am learning to make my intrinsic sense of personal value completely independent from my GPA. And other useless arbitrary numbers, for that matter... like my weight. (Okay okay let me talk about this for a minute: I haven't weighed myself in months and it's been wonderful. Our bodies are biological miracles, a culmination of muscles and organs that enables us to live and be strong and do the things that we love. Why must we forget that and judge our bodies completely by a number on a scale? That form of judgement, for me, was the recipe for a distorted body image and terrible self-esteem for years, starting at the young age of 10. How sad is that?) 

In competitive environments, it's easy to lose sight of these truths. From my personal experience, over and over again in my 19 years, when I fall into the repetitive, destructive cycle of comparing myself, I am miserable. Because I am not paying attention to the most important parts of my life.

(Try and forget how flowery this next statement sounds and instead recognize the truth in it.) I have a goal that we all come together to empower each other to look past numerical representations of ourselves and instead encourage developing ourselves as passionate, unique individuals. That we stop boxing ourselves in with a one-dimensional number, and instead open the door to our unique potentials. Not only will this promote better self-confidence and mental health, but it will pave the way to a better world and future.

I Didn't Like My First Semester of College

I had a relatively great high school experience. It wasn’t always fun and games and smiles, but high school taught me a lot and it shaped me as a person. I faced a few personal struggles throughout those four years, but I am so thankful for them. Because of them, I garnered strength and self-belief and passion. By the end of my senior year, I was in a great place. I got involved in things I cared about and cherished friendships with a wide variety of people at my school. I fell in love with photography and continued to run my Instagram blog. I was planning trips for the future and dreaming about the ways I could improve the world and help people and do cool stuff. It was a time of thriving!

When I envisioned what I wanted my college experience to be like, I was optimistic. I was going to love my business classes and Spanish classes and make the Dean’s List at the end of the semester. I was going to meet a lot of people and have empowering conversations in coffee shops about politics and life and love and everything in between; gaining new companions and perspectives along the way. I was going to venture out into the city and do cool urban things and make an abundance of memories. I was going to spend hours studying in the beautiful library, getting smarter and sharpening my critical and analytical thinking abilities. My weekends would include passion-fuelled endeavors. And yes, at some point I was going to break out of my shyness and muster up the courage to ask an interesting boy out for coffee. (This is literally on my bucket list, believe it or not!) Beyond these things, I was going to spearhead some type of photography project, and continue Instagram blogging about healthy food from my dorm room. I wanted to get involved with student organizations that I felt passionate about. I wanted to immerse myself into the new environment and take advantage of every opportunity presented to me, because that’s what college is for, right? The bottom line was, I didn’t want to live the average college life.

I officially finished my first semester a few weeks ago. I’m now home for the holidays, and I have an entire month off. My family members have asked me, “Meghan, doesn’t it feel wonderful to be done? You’ve finished those hard classes and you survived finals week!” I fake a smile and say yes, but deep down I know this isn’t really true.

While finishing final exam week was great and an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders, I don’t really feel a sense of accomplishment over what I’ve done these past few months at all. Truthfully I’ve been a subdued version of myself. I didn’t get involved, I didn’t develop my passions, I didn’t reach my potential at all. And nope I didn’t ask a boy out on a coffee date. I lived very average—I went to class, studied a fair amount, slept, hung out with friends on the weekends. I didn’t step out of my comfort zone or grow much as a person. My camera sat in its case under my bed and my blender remained neglected. My past self would be very sad, arguably as sad as my current self right now.

(Oh, and I definitely didn’t get that spotless 3.8 I had been shooting for… oops. Turns out college academics are indeed much more difficult than high school academics!)

I don’t want to be a complacent, privileged girl who has some pretentious disdain just because she didn’t make the Dean’s List. I’m not naïve… Dean’s List or not, I am well aware that I am a lucky one: I am beyond blessed to have the opportunity of pursuing higher education at university, and I could not be more grateful. But this is the exact reason I’m unhappy with myself. How could I have this type of privilege and not take more advantage of it? To not study and intertwine it with my passions and do something greater than myself?

I’m allowing my disappointment in myself and my regret in my all-around mediocrity to act as a vehicle for how I’m going to change my college experience. Because if I leave this university in three-and-a-half years with nothing but a degree, I will consider my mission a failure.

Because I don't want to end this on such a negative note, here's a picture of some blissful banana ice cream that I made this morning:

My Thoughts: The Parallels Between Factory Farming and Sweatshop Consumerism.

I'm gonna open this blog post with a simple truth: there is an overwhelming amount of bad in this world.

I have yet to find a way of living that completely dodges causing some form of bad or another.

The decision to stop eating meat, for me, was easy. I felt like I was saving innocent animals from unnecessary cruelty and slaughter, which in my mind, is stopping one form of 'bad.'

But I can't help but cringe when I think about the exploitative sweatshops across seas that produced my yoga pants that I have on, or the exploited workers who built my laptop that I am typing on right now.

Here's what I want to touch on: consuming animal products from animals in slaughterhouses and factory farms and buying products that were constructed in sweatshops are not too different at all. Both involve humans abusing their power.

Okay, right off the bat, someone might argue that eating meat requires the unnecessary death of a living creature, and a sweatshop doesn't directly kill people or its workers. On purpose, anyhow.

But, hear me out here for a moment. Besides the aforementioned quite obvious and fundamental difference, I believe that factory farming and sweatshops are quite similar, in premise.

One of vegetarianism and veganism's strongest selling points is the notion of acting and making decisions on behalf of the voiceless and powerless animals. "Being a voice for the voiceless."

An innocent chicken can't do squat about its ill-fated life in a factory farm and later slaughterhouse. Does it want to live in cramped, unclean living quarters? No, but it's not as if it can simply walk or fly away from the place. Fun fact: many modern day factory-harvested chickens can barely even walk because their breasts are genetically designed by humans to be so unnaturally large that their legs cannot support the weight. Moving onto the slaughterhouse, does it want to undergo death through electrocution by being submersed in a body of water that has a running electric current? Does it want its throat slit, assembly line style? Definitely not. There simply is no way to ethically kill something that does not want to die. But the chicken doesn't have the means to escape the terrible system or the power to save its own life. It clearly can not fight back against the big worker with the bloody knife. Its only glimmer of hope is mercy from humans.

I believe that by killing animals, we are abusing our power as humans. I mean, really: how exactly can we justify killing so many other living creatures? It surely cannot be that we need their flesh to survive. It's beyond obvious that one can live, THRIVE, off of a vegetarian diet. I've tried and tried and have failed repeatedly to come up with a justification for the killing other than the fact that we are humans and we are more powerful than the animals, so maybe in some twisted logical reasoning that means we can do whatever we please to them. If they can't fight back, what's to stop us?

What if nature were reversed, and humans were the ones who were sent through death factories in a mechanical, methodical manner, by big and powerful animals? My proposition is that we would try and fight for our lives by disputing that just because the animals were bigger and more powerful than us does not justify taking our lives away from us.

Now to discuss sweatshops. In places like Bangladesh, sweatshops violate basic human rights on a daily basis. Workers are shackled by dangerous conditions, unspeakable hours, and minimal pay and protection. But, because there are no other work opportunities, impoverished people have no choice but to work at these horrible places. And then child labor happens because families need more money and therefore the children need to earn more money for the family just to stay afloat financially. So, goodbye to education and a future to these children, if these things were even available in the first place.

Large corporations have recognized the unbelievable lack of opportunity in places like Bangladesh and Taiwan and therefore exploit their power and take advantage of the lack of opportunity by outsourcing. Hello, cheaper production of revenue-building product!!

When we buy our yoga pants and our laptops, we are abusing our power as the privileged, are we not? By purchasing products that are produced in sweatshops, we are perpetuating the unjust, inhumane cycle. Just like chickens in the slaughterhouse, sweatshop workers do not have the capability or means to escape the unjust sweatshop work system.

What if the economic statuses of countries were reversed, and we were the sweatshop workers and people across seas were the ones with all the money and wealth of the world. Wouldn't we hope that they would speak up for us and find a better way to produce their posh possessions so that we could enjoy a real life and have the opportunity to pursue a future of hope and not a future fixed in dusty, grimy buildings and long, exhausting hours?

As a vegetarian and partial vegan, I am really wrestling with the thought that I am being the voice for the animals but not for the exploited workers in sweatshops. It's as if, through my actions and lifestyle choices, I am embodying moral hypocrisy. Gracing animals with innocence by not eating them but not providing mercy for sweatshop workers because I like my yoga pants and I like my computer. And it's not just my yoga pants and MacBook, obviously. Let's be real, virtually every possession I own was produced overseas.

What's the solution? At this point, is it even possible for us privileged people to stop doing so much 'bad' in the world? Our lifestyles seemingly cannot go on without taking advantage of sweatshop labor. We can't sew all of our own clothes and we can't go naked. Most of us as individuals don't have the expertise to build our own technological devices nor can we simply abandon technology altogether because it is so powerfully woven into the ways of our society.

I do not know how to become completely independent of the sweatshop system. That is what scares me. I can't stop being a part of the bad of the world, no matter how hard I try. And that does not sit right with me.

Don't Hide Your Passions + School Newspaper Interview!

This morning, something exciting happened--someone from my school newspaper committee emailed me and asked if they could interview me to write an article on my Instagram account! I was super excited and immediately concurred. I'll include the questions and my answers in this post, but first there's something I want to address. 

Had I been asked to be interviewed about my account for the newspaper last school year, I would've freaked out inside and said no. When I first made my account, I wanted it to be a secret. I'm not really sure why, but the idea of having anyone from my school following made me uncomfortable. Maybe I thought I'd be judged, and to avoid that possibility, I hid my passion from everyone who knew me. 

I also kept my account and passion hidden from most of my extended family. My dad's side of the family is huge (we're talking about 100 cousins total), and whenever we would go to a Swanson family gathering, my dad would always bring up the Instagram app on his phone and show my relatives my account. This led to them asking me about it! Again, I don't know why, but I hated this. HATED it. I felt, almost, ashamed for my passion? It was to the point that I even asked my dad to never tell anyone about my account again. 

But then, one of my relatives said something that changed my mind... he told me that what I was doing was really cool, and that I should "Never hide something I'm passionate about." (*hear the mic drop in the background*)

Dang.

He was right. What he said truly resonated with me. For so long, the thing that changed my life, the thing that made me a healthier, happier, more confident, more fit, less stressed, and less anxious person, was kept a complete secret. For the stupidest, stupidest, stupidest of reasons.

Eventually I opened up to everyone about my account. I made a post on my personal Instagram talking about it, and explained briefly the reasons why I made the account and made the choice to follow a plant-based diet. All my built-up fears of publicizing this melted away as I received lots of positive feedback. And maybe they judged me, I don't know. Actually, they probably did. But who cares?

The point that I really would like to drive home here is that the possibility of judgment or fear of being viewed as different should never stop anyone from following their passion and sharing it with the world. I mean, imagine a world where no one chased after what they cared about. It's pretty safe to say that that would be a very miserable and boring place. There would be significantly less art, music, food, literature, self-expression. Seriously though, try to envision your school without the band kids, no theater kids, no student council kids, no math team kids, no sports kids, etc. I can't speak for anyone else, but to me, a homogenized community like that in which passions are hushed and everyone follows the same mundane routine would be bland and horrible and boring and unbearable. No thanks to that world.

Whatever your passion is, follow it. And share it with your family, with your friends, with your classmates, with everyone. There's just something refreshing about seeing someone pursue things they care about. Not to mention the joy that you uncover when you discover a passion of yours. But please never, ever hide that passion. Don't hide it from your classmates, and don't get mad at your dad when he tells everyone about what his little girl is doing. (He's doing this because he's proud.) You never know how you might inspire or change someone else's life by doing sharing about what you care about. And maybe they'll think it's weird, but odds are they'll think it's pretty cool.  

Also, consider this: Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. 

Yay for the wonderful aspects of individuality and passion. 

{Here's a random senior picture of me cheesily smiling at the ground to fill up some white space in the middle of this post}

Now, for that school newspaper interview I was talking about! 

1. Why did you decide to go vegan?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been interested in eating healthy. Alongside this, there are a couple specific reasons that led me to transitioning into eating plant-based.

In October of 2012, my sophomore year, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, and to prolong her life and maintain her health, her oncologists and other doctors put her on a raw vegan diet. (Raw vegan meant she only ate raw, organic fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds.) It sounds intense, but that helped save her life! After that, I became very interested in learning about how what we eat affects our health, and I later began to research the effects of consuming plant-based protein vs. animal protein. And, my dad once said, “Why should it take a life threatening disease to make us eat right?” That question really resonated with me, but I didn’t make any dietary changes for another 16 months.

During those 16 months, I dealt with a few mental and physical health problems that brought me down on a daily basis. My doctor told me that cutting back on meat and dairy could improve these types of problems, and so this sparked my interest as it went along with what I learned from my grandma’s experience. So, one night, I decided to change everything, and finally live the healthy lifestyle that I had dreamed of and kick those health issues to the curb. The next morning, February 25^th, 2014, (it’s an important day to me!) I woke up and announced to my parents that I had given up meat, dairy, all animal products, and gluten. Initially I intended for it to be a 21 day detox, but I felt so great at the end of the 21 days that I continued!

2. Was the transition hard?

Not at first. Luckily, my parents were incredibly supportive of me, and were willing to spend more on groceries each month to buy higher volumes of fresh fruits and vegetables, which made everything possible! Also, documenting what I ate on my Instagram account kept me accountable in a way, and it was fun for me to watch my account grow. I met some awesome people who share the same passion as me, and having that constant source encouragement and support in the Instagram community was helpful! Surprisingly, avoiding the unhealthy foods that I used to love really wasn’t a problem at all. There are alternatives for almost anything—coconut milk ice cream, dairy free yogurt, butter, milk, chocolate, etc; even vegan pizza—you name it.

After a few months it got more difficult to stay completely plant-based, and I eventually lightened up and reintroduced gluten and started to eat small amounts of dairy here and there. To this day, I’d say I’m about 80-90% plant-based. But I’ve learned that the better I eat, the better I feel, so I live by this rather than striving to eat perfect all the time.

3. How has it impacted your life?

Healthy eating changed my life more than I ever anticipated or could have wished. It improved my health in every way. For a start, I stopped getting frequent headaches and stomach aches like I had before. I noticed that I felt increasingly more energetic, happy, positive, and less stressed and anxious, all the time, which was amazing! And making the change to eat healthier led to the implementation of other healthy habits in my life, such as improving my sleep and exercise habits. I got more fit and felt great overall!  

For everyone, but young adults especially, a positive body image and self confidence can be difficult to have, due to constant exposure to unrealistic standards in the media and also the common tendency to be hypercritical of ourselves. But I learned that once you put in the effort to live healthier, you become so much more appreciative and grateful for your health and your body, and you spend less time critiquing your imperfections and trying to reach some stupid standard. It was wonderful.

4. How did you come up with the idea to make an Instagram account?

A couple months before I made the change, I found some health Instagram accounts, including @marensdelights and @sweetpeppah, who belong to people who promote healthy and active lifestyles. It all seemed so perfect to me—pretty smoothies, healthy meals, overall healthy and positive outlooks on life. I wanted to do the same thing that they were doing, so I did!

The Instagram community has to proven to be quite amazing; and it’s a great place to find motivation and support. Now I’m friends with Mären of @marensdelights and Gracie of @sweetpeppah, as well as other people who are food nerds and health nuts like me. I love it, and I am so thankful for the positivity that my Instagram account has brought to my life.

5. Would you recommend being vegan to others?

Absolutely. It's a big change and it requires a lot of time and motivation, and it can be expensive depending on how you shop for groceries, but the benefits outweigh the cons by a long shot. I strongly believe that it is one of the best things that one can do for their health, for the sake of ethics, and for the environment.

However, I do recognize that making such a drastic change probably isn’t possible for everyone. But as aforementioned, you don’t need to eat perfectly all the time to be healthy, and you don’t necessarily need to cut out such a large portion of the food triangle either. Simply incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your meals and snacks, and mindfully cutting back on processed and refined foods, can have profound positive effects on your health and life! When people ask about how I eat/ask for advice, I tell them my motto: Strive for improvement, not perfection. One can be reached, and the other cannot. 

Q&A

Here is the post I've been promising that is dedicated to answering your questions that you've asked on Instagram! Like I've said many times before, I'm always open to more questions - simply email me or ask directly on Instagram.

Do you restrict your fat intake at all?

Not in a logistical manner. I definitely don't count how many fat grams or calories from fat I eat on a daily basis! However, I mindfully consume healthy fats. I eat what I believe to be a good amount! 

How long have you been eating healthy?

Since February 25th, 2014.

Do you allow yourself treats?

Absolutely! I believe that treating yourself is equally as important as eating healthy! Dark chocolate has always been my favorite treat to indulge in.

What's your favorite style of music and who are your favorite artists/bands?

I listen to a very wide variety of music and I like most genres except screamo. My favorites include Coldplay, Florence + the Machine, Bastille, and U2. 

What's your favorite thing about yourself?

Hmm! I like that I live by a strong set of morals and have a strong faith. Also, I'm a pretty confident person, and I like that about myself. 

How do you deal with stress?

I'm actually pretty bad at dealing with stress. During the school year, I'm a sleep deprived ball of stress! However, listening to music, working out, writing lists, staying organized, being proactive, and most importantly, praying help me to deal with whatever is going on.

Have you influenced anyone you know such as a family member or friend to start a plant based diet such as yours?

Yes! This has been one of the most rewarding parts of my healthy eating journey. Being told by someone that I have inspired them is one of the best feelings ever. My family still eats meat and dairy, but they're supportive of me and say that I've encouraged them to eat healthier. I also have one friend who became vegan right around when I did and having her has been incredible--it's been great to have that support! I also try and remind people that becoming healthy doesn't need to mean cutting out all animal products. Although I think that the benefits of a plant based diet are wonderful, it's not always easy or possible for everyone. Simply incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables into daily life is what I recommend to anyone looking to become healthier.

What makes you happy?

Music. Friends. Family. My dog. Getting letters in the mail. Seeing the fruits of my labor. Meeting amazing people through Instagram. God. So many things make me happy!

Favorite sport?

Definitely golf!

Favorite subject?

I always have a hard time answering this question! Spanish is one of my favorites for sure. I've always had a knack for it. I also like English, as I love writing and I really appreciate the room for creativity within the subject. But opposite of that, I really do like math. I appreciate the order and straightforwardness of it!

Favorite breakfast?

Definitely oatmeal, a smoothie, or banana ice cream!

The Girl Behind @fruitandchia: An Introduction

The Girl Behind @fruitandchia:

An Introduction

When you stumble across a health or food account on Instagram, how do you visualize the owner of it? A devoted, disciplined, exercise-addicted person who wakes up at 5 a.m. to run and eats nothing but beautiful salads and exotic smoothies? Or someone who wears trendy workout apparel and is always seen with a yoga mat and an oddly colored smoothie or juice in hand? Or someone who simply has no problem saying no to delicious (and often unhealthy) comfort foods? Possibly even all of the above?

Well I'll straight up honestly tell you that I'm not the person I just described. I don't wake up at 5 a.m. to exercise, nor do I exercise every day. I've never tried yoga in a studio setting. (Although I will admit that has been on my list of things I do want to try!) I most definitely don't restrict myself to eating only salads and smoothies, either. I'm not the definition of perfect health and a perfect life.

And this is nothing new. A little over 6 months ago, I remember sitting in my living room one evening scrolling through the feeds of several health Instagram accounts that I had just discovered, and thinking to myself, I'll never be like this. There is no way I could ever seek out enough motivation or means to keep up a lifestyle like that. All those accounts represented lifestyles that, to me, seemed too perfect to be achieved. It was quite crushing to think I could never do it. Standing in the way of me and the ideal, healthy version of myself that I had created in my head was my busy lifestyle (junior year as demanding as it had been expected to be), insufficient amounts of motivation and determination, and a slightly imbalanced, unhealthy relationship with food. I felt stuck and imprisoned by bad habits which only further crushed my dream of becoming Meghan 2.0.

Maybe later on I'll make a post dedicated to the specifics of what I mean by an imbalanced relationship with food and what that looked like for me, but for now, I'll dig deeper into one aspect of it: guilt and its association with food. Numerous attempts were made throughout my high school years to diet and become healthier, usually with the underlying motivation that I would lose weight. I have been at a healthy weight my whole life, but I never was happy with where I was at. I thought I'd be happier if I were skinnier. I would end up giving up all junk foods, but every time I tried to do this I wound up in failure, which led to enormous clouds of guilt and disappointment in myself. It really sucked. I was stuck in a cycle of food, guilt, compensatory actions.

In late February of 2014, I decided enough was enough; I couldn't live with being weighed down by that destructive cycle any longer! So, on February 25th, 2014, I woke up and changed everything. I decided that I would no longer eat dairy, meat, or wheat. This probably sounds intense, and that it was. But I had explanations behind each exclusion: I was told that consuming less or no dairy helped skin be clearer, eating less meat would reduce the amount of icky hormones that can promote mental issues (i.e. depression, anxiety... a doctor told me this), and quitting gluten could help reduce stomach aches and bloating. Aside from this, I liked the idea of following a plant based diet after a family member of mine almost lost a tough battle to stage 3 cancer but was changed to a raw vegan diet to restore and maintain health. I initially intended it to be a 21 day detox experiment. I wanted to see just how these changes in my diet would change my mental and physical health!

The healthy eating created a domino effect into the implementation of other healthy habits into my daily life. I began to focus on exercising more, which definitely boosted my confidence levels. It was so satisfying seeing all my hard work of eating healthy and working out pay off as I watched myself become more toned and fit! I lost weight, too, but nothing drastic. At the end of the 21 day challenge, I felt wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that I decided to continue on with being a gluten free vegan! It became somewhat of an obsession--I dedicated my Instagram account to the documentation of my healthy eating journey, I spent hours upon hours planning meals and thinking up new smoothie combinations, and I stayed up late at night packing lunches for school. In my head, I would only be ideally healthy if I was 100% plant based with absolutely no exceptions.

Now, as I sit here in late August writing this post (I'm approaching my 6 month healthy eating anniversary!), I can say that food is no longer the center of my life. I actually am back on gluten now (toast was warmly welcomed back into my life) and I'm no longer strictly 100% plant based. But I've come to understand that perfection within any diet does not equate to health! I now know that the better I eat, the better I feel, so I live by this rather than striving for utter perfection. And I recommend this to anyone pursuing a healthier lifestyle: chase after improvement, not perfection. At this time in my life, I can't devote as much time to focusing on food as much as I did in my first few months. I have college just around the corner and I'm about to embark on my senior year, and most of my time is spent at my summer job, running with the cross country team, and spending time with friends. However, I do aspire to once again be 100% plant based later on, as I was my absolute healthiest during those times. But until then, I am living and loving the benefits of healthy eating. It has changed my life for the better and I can say that it helped me to become healthier and happier than I had ever hoped. One of my favorite parts of this journey has been documenting it on Instagram. I have met some amazing people who share the same passion that I do and I love combining both art and photography into healthy eating into one.

I hope that you've learned a little more about me through this blog post! I already have plenty of plans of future blog posts; the pros and cons of a plant based diet, food and faith, living in a meat-eating family, recipes, and more. If you have anything you'd like to see me address here on my blog, please don't hesitate to ask! As always, questions are welcomed as well. I am absolutely open to answering any question you may have! Here is my contact information:
Email - fruitandchia@gmail.com
Instagram - @fruitandchia (instagram.com/fruitandchia)
Personal Instagram - @m_swan24

Hope you all have a wonderful day, and thanks for stopping by.
xx Meghan